30 Years, One Mindset Rule: “Talk About It”: The Secret Behind 30 Years of Marriage
- Bruce Schutter
- May 14
- 5 min read
Updated: May 15
It was supposed to be a quiet morning. Diet Soda. A little sunshine. Maybe a walk. But instead, there was a knock at the door—then another—and suddenly, the whole front porch looked like a cartoon-character support group had broken into a party supply store.
There stood Winnie the Pooh, holding a honey jar with a bow on it. SpongeBob had balloons tangled around his square pants. Gibbs from NCIS gave a solemn nod. John Wick was there too (seriously, how does he move so quietly?). And of course, the Minions had brought confetti cannons and absolutely no sense of volume control.
“BRUUUUCE!” yelled Kevin the Minion. “WE HEARD IT WAS YOUR 30-YEAR ANNIVERSARY WITH LEE!”
Yup. Thirty years of marriage. Thirty years of friendship. Thirty years of supporting each other—even through the storms of mental health challenges.
“We had to celebrate,” said Pooh, handing over a slightly sticky card. “Also, we have some questions.”
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. “How do you make it work? With everything you’ve both faced—how did you get to thirty?”
The Warrior Secret: Mindset Rule 3
“Great question,” I said. “The foundation of everything—marriage, friendship, support—comes down to Mental Health Warrior Mindset Rule 3: Talk About It.”
They all leaned in.
“Talking about our mental health doesn’t just help individually,” I continued. “It’s the key to making any relationship thrive, especially when one or both of you struggle. Lee and I have both been on the inside and the outside—struggling and watching the other struggle. Talking is how we build trust, avoid silence, and show up for each other.”
SpongeBob wiped away a tear with a balloon string. “That’s... really beautiful.”
Why They All Get It
They’re fellow warriors. They know my story.
After 20 years battling Bipolar, Alcoholism, Anxiety Disorders and PTSD, I hit rock bottom. I felt powerless. I even tried to end my life. But in that darkness, I discovered something life-changing: Mental Health is the key to overcoming any challenge.
From that turning point, I created the Mental Health Warrior Program — a new SELF-HELP approach, designed to help everyone take charge of your emotions, triumph over challenges and build the life you really want!
Part of that is my book, 53 Mindset Rules of a Mental Health Warrior. These rules help you stay emotionally centered, act with clarity, and build strength through any situation—all while staying in charge of your day.
How We Use Mindset Rule 3—Every Day
Tip 1: Let the Other Person Into Your Mental Health World
“You can’t expect someone to support you if they don’t understand what you’re experiencing,” I explained. “That’s why I had to learn how to explain what it feels like to live with bipolar disorder. I had to show Lee what my thinking looks like when I’m spiraling, so she wouldn’t feel shut out or confused.”
“Letting someone in—really in—builds the foundation of communication.”
Warrior's Takeaway:
Winnie the Pooh nodded slowly. “Sometimes I get sad and don’t know why. I usually just wait for it to pass, but maybe if I told Christopher Robin more often, he wouldn’t worry so much or have to guess how to help me. I think I’ll start sharing more when I’m feeling gloomy.”
Gibbs added, “I’ve seen what silence can do to a team. Being honest with people you trust—that’s strength, not weakness. I plan to sit down with McGee and Ducky and talk more openly about what’s been on my mind, even if I don’t have all the answers yet.”
“I’ve seen what silence can do to a team. Being honest with people you trust—that’s strength, not weakness.”
Tip 2: Use Talking to Break the Silence During Struggles
“When one of us is struggling,” I said, “we don’t suffer in silence. We talk. Every night, Lee and I set aside time to check in and share how we’re really feeling. Not to dump everything, but to be heard—and to listen.”
“When we talk it out, we feel less alone. And often, the other person sees things we can’t.”
Warrior's Takeaway:
SpongeBob bounced up. “Patrick and I totally do that! Well, sort of. We talk while jellyfishing. I think now I’ll try setting real time aside just to check in with him about how we’re feeling, not just what jellyfish we caught.”
John Wick, surprisingly, spoke up. “I used to keep everything inside. Until one day I realized the silence was killing me faster than the chaos. Now I talk. Even if it’s just a few words to someone I trust.
I’m going to make space to have more of those conversations—and maybe even let Winston know what’s going on inside for once.”
Tip 3: Share Openly with Others
“We also talk with others in our family and friends,” I said. “At first it was awkward. But once we started opening up, we found that everyone is carrying something. Talking helps people feel safe to be real.”
“We don’t wait for the perfect moment. We just talk.”
Warrior's Takeaway:
Kevin the Minion piped up, “We started a Feelings Banana Chat Group. We cry, then snack. It works. But now I think I’ll talk to Bob and Stuart about stuff that’s actually bothering me—not just the usual banana drama.”
Gibbs gave a nod of approval. “Sometimes just saying something out loud is the first step toward healing. I’m going to bring this up with the team—not in a big dramatic way, but just to let them know it’s okay to talk.
We’re all carrying more than we show. Many times just saying something out loud is the first step toward healing. It opens the door for others to do the same.”
A Gift for Fellow Warriors
Before everyone headed out, I handed each of them a copy of my book, 53 Mindset Rules of a Mental Health Warrior.
“You’ve all been warriors in your own way,” I said, “and I want you to have this. Use Mindset Rule 1: Talk About It with your friends and family. Share what you’re really going through. Help others feel safe to do the same. That’s how we all get stronger—together!”
They accepted the book like medals, even the Minions (who immediately tried to eat the corners). Gibbs gave a rare half-smile. SpongeBob hugged his to his chest. John Wick nodded in silent respect. And Pooh tucked his copy into his honey pot for safekeeping.
Final Hug, Final Lesson
By the time the coffee was cold and the pie mostly gone, the gang looked different. Not just cartoon characters or fictional heroes—but fellow Mental Health Warriors who saw the value in showing up, speaking honestly, and standing by each other.
They cheered. Confetti flew. Someone (definitely SpongeBob) knocked over the pie.
And I turned to Lee, my wife and best friend for 30 years, and gave her the biggest, most grateful hug. Thank you, Lee Schutter. For listening. For talking. For walking beside me when the path was smooth—and when it wasn’t. For being a warrior with me.
Because when we talk about it, we don’t just survive. We thrive. Together!
Bruce Schutter
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